Excruciatingly Shitty Predictions Network

Like many dedicated fans I love reading what "real experts" (and I use the term experts ever so loosely) have to say about my team and the NHL playoffs in general. For the most part I can be understanding even when they say something uncomplimentary about Ottawa, because as it were, not everyone seems to realize that the Sens are really just a team of Gods and to say something detrimental about them, well it basically boils down to simply blasphemy.

One mistake is excusable, two is... after lengthy soul searching... forgivable... but three? Now that’s just downright wrong. So indulge me while I tell you why the Excruciatingly Shitty Predictions Network (ESPN) should keep their so-called “experts” guessing what types of steroids Barry Bonds used, or what square area of paint you could watch dry as you endure the dead-air between the last “Strrrrrrrrrike!” and the upcoming “Ball!”

You know I should have been a little worried when I saw that all six of their experts picked the Sharks over Detroit in the second round... every single one... but I really didn’t pay much attention. And sure, I scratched my head a little when two of them took Calgary over Detroit... cause I sure thought that was one of the easy ones...

Oh but one of them has my attention now:

Meet E.J. Hradek. Not only did E.J., in his infinite wisdom, pick the Penguins over Ottawa, he then pick New Jersey over Ottawa, and has now picked Buffalo over Ottawa. With the rest of his picks during the first two rounds he’s running an overall record of 7-5, so that puts him right up there with.... hmmm... Maggie the Monkey! Congrats E.J., you can keep pace with a popcorn-eating primate; maybe she’ll help pick the bugs off you whenever it is you crawl out from the rock you’ve been living under.

I’m not a huge TSN fan, but gosh please give me Bob McKenzie, Darren Dreger, or James Duthie over these thupah-stars any day.

For all the glorious ESPN predictions, go here.