You're just jealous because you can't play hockey on point

Alright, alright, let's all take a deep breath. So Daniel Alfredsson dressed like a ballerina for hallowe'en. But who of us hasn't done something similarly ridiculous for that one day a year a non-Scottish man can wear a dress and still laugh it off? I know I have, that one year I was Wilma Flinstone. Good times. Via SensHobo:



More concerning to me, in all honesty, is how lame Brian Elliott dumbass hypnotist dude's costume is. Is that Elliott Sporting the guy-who-doesn't-like-hallowe'en costume, in the centre of the photo? Lame.

I still say we should hang his number in the rafters early. Praise Alfie.

Daniel Alfredsson on Twitter?

I know what you're thinking: It can't be. Senators captain Daniel Alfredsson can't possibly have a Twitter account he uses to give fans his thoughts periodically, can he?

Well, probably not, but it looks like someone (I guess maybe Alfie himself) has assumed his personality on the real-time short messaging service. And it's pretty funny, too, you can get a glimpse into what Alfie thinks when he's going into games, like when he said he had "a good feeling" going into last night's game against Carolina:

"Alright, back. Sorry about the silence. It's weird, but I'm excited for tonight's game against Carolina; I have a good feeling."
--4:05 PM Jan 13th from web

Or you can find out what he thinks about after a loss ("Murraysburg", I assume, meaning some abomination fusion of Bryan Murray and Craig Hartsburg):

"I feel like crap. Fans and teammates, sorry about that giveaway last night. Murraysburg, sorry it may have cost you your jobs."
--9:45 AM Jan 9th from web

Or you can find out what he thinks about the team's current state:

"To everyone who thinks firing Murraysburg will solve our problems: It won't. I don't know how to solve them, but it goes far beyond that."
--9:49 AM Jan 8th from web

"Gah... I know fans are frustrated, but trust me, we're all just as frustrated. It's really disconcerting playing hard but losing anyway."
--4:04 PM Dec 29th, 2008 from web

Or what he does with his free time:

"Always nice to win to end a year. I'll be ringing in 2009 with some Guitar Hero: World Tour with some friends and family."
--2:58 PM Dec 31st, 2008 from web

"Listening to Abba's Christmas album, and going to bed with my "upper body injury" making me pretty uncomfortable."
--8:24 PM Dec 21st, 2008 from web

Whether or not it's actually Alfie on Twitter, it's pretty funny to read. Sort of like the Shaquille O'Neal Twitter, or the Stephen Harper Twitter.

Spezza only scores two goals, costs Ottawa another game; trade imminent

Sigh... for the 25th time this season, perennial disappointment Jason Spezza has cost the Ottawa Senators a game. His lackadaisical approach and lack of any work ethic meant that Ottawa wasn't able to win the game, once again. All other players are absolved of any responsibility, because Spezza committed two giveaways on the night. In the end, the Buffalo Sabres won the game 4-2, and it had nothing to do with their play and everything to do with Spezza playing poorly.

Spezza did score two goals on the night, 32 seconds apart, and was one of only three Ottawa players on the plus-side of the +/- ledger. But both of those goals were obviously pure luck, and had nothing to do with Spezza's skill and tenacity. I would say he bites, but Jarkko Ruutu has (allegedly) taken that schtick and run with it.

Seriously, though, Spezza only has 17 goals on the year right now, which isn't nearly good enough. It's barely more than Sidney Crosby, barely more than Vincent Lecavalier, barely more than Evgeni Malkin, and barely more than Martin St. Louis. One thing seems completely obvious: Spezza is the biggest problem on the Senators roster, and he needs to be traded immediately.

Fisher dating Carrie Underwood; thousands of Ottawa women on suicide watch

According to gossip website Just Jared, Ottawa Senators centre Mike Fisher is reportedly linked romantically with country superstar and American Idol alumna Carrie Underwood. I've got to say, good for Fisher. She's an attractive, respectable young woman. After losing long-time heartthrob Wade Redden in the off-season (to free agency and then to marriage), and with Fisher off the market right now, Ottawa area female hockey fans are running out of dreamboats.

On the plus side, Underwood might be in attendance at a few Senators games. If the Sens could re-acquire Mike Comrie (it wouldn't be that hard), she could hang out with Hilary Duff and there would be a lot of pop star diva star power rooting for the Sens.

Why am I writing about this? Well, it's more fun than reflecting on the Senators' 4-3 overtime loss to the New Jersey Devils last night. They blew three leads... so frustrating. And don't get me started on Saturday's 3-1 loss to Toronto.

Looking back on 2009

The New York Times' Slapshot blog is usually a pretty good read. Today, Stu Hackell posted a preview of the 2009 Year In Review, running through all twelve months and making hilarious predictions as to what might happen in the NHL. It gets crazy and hilarious when you get near the end. Hilarious. The Sens don't come up as often as they could, but there are a few funny lines:

• March 2009: "The Senators miss the playoffs, but G.M. Bryan Murray says that the team is only a player or two away from winning the Stanley Cup."
• August 2009: "Senators Coach Craig Hartsburg says he’ll keep Daniel Alfredsson, Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley together for the entire season starting in training camp."
• September 2009: "On the first day of Sens training camp, Hartsburg breaks up Alfredsson, Heatley and Spezza."
• October 2009: "[Wayne] Gretzky’s Rangers get off to an undefeated start after sweeping their two games against the Thrashers in front of a sold-out 1,500-seat Miskolci Mûjégpálya in Hungary. Other sellouts at the 1,200-seat Podmezakla in Jesenice, Slovenia, and the 1,200-seat Poissompré in Epinal, France, reinforce Senators owner Eugene Melnyk and N.H.L.P.A. Executive Director Paul Kelly’s favorable opinion of European expansion. “I am still committed,” Melnyk says. “Let’s vote today.” Melnyk’s team splits two games against the Wild at the sold-out 2,500-seat Ijssportcentrum in Tilburg, Netherlands"

The best part is the ongoing Jim Balsillie storyline, which you can expect in the coming year:

• January 2009: "Canadian billionaire Jim Balsillie is rumored to be buying the Phoenix Coyotes to move them to Southern Ontario, but since the ‘Yotes can’t get out of their lease, the deal never materializes."
• March 2009: "TSN reports that Jim Balsillie is buying the Anaheim Ducks and will move them to Southern Ontario, but Balsillie backs out of the deal when he can’t get a commitment from either Scott Niedermayer or Teemu Selanne to play the following season."
• April 2009: "The Fan 590 in Toronto reports that Jim Balsillie will buy the Hurricanes and move them to Southern Ontario. They then report that the deal fell through when Balsillie learned of a secret agreement that mandates the team return to Hartford if it ever leaves Raleigh."
• May 2009: "The Toronto Star reports that Jim Balsillie was negotiating to buy the Atlanta Thrashers to move them to Southern Ontario, but after he looked at the Thrashers’ roster, he decided against it."
• June 2009: "On “Leafs Lunch” over AM640, Jim Balsillie announces that he is considering buying the entire American Hockey League and moving all the teams to Southern Ontario."
• July 2009: "Abandoning his quest for an N.H.L team and the entire A.H.L., Jim Balisillie buys the K.H.L.’s Metallurg Novokuznetsk, which is bankrupt and whose players were not paid at all last season. Balsillie moves them to Hamilton, renames them Metallurg Hamilton and gets Alex Ovechkin to jump his contract for $20 million a season to join him. “It’s not about the money. I love the N.H.L. and I love Washington and I love America,” OV says, “But look how well I played after I visited my family last fall. Imagine how well I’ll do if I play half a season there. Besides, I must find new horizons and new boards to body slam.”"
• August 2009: "The K.H.L. goes out of business and Jim Balsillie applies to the N.H.L. to admit the Hamilton Steelers as an expansion franchise. But the owners are still lost in Dubai and cannot rule on the matter. Rumors abound that Balsillie will be granted an N.H.L. franchise in Yemen."
• September 2009: "Abandoning the Hamilton Steelers, Jim Balsillie tries to buy the Washington Capitals from Ted Leonsis. Leonsis demands that Balsillie first release Alex Ovechkin to return to the Caps, which he does. Leonsis then loses Balsillie’s phone number."
• October 2009: "Jim Balsillie is rumored to be buying the Islanders to move them to Southern Ontario. He won’t buy the team unless [Sean] Avery returns to active playing status, however, and [Gary] Bettman refuses, saying Avery has been dispatched to the Middle East for United Nations-brokered peace talks."
• November 2009: "Under Barry Trotz, the Sabres lead the Eastern Conference until rumors circulate that Jim Balsillie has again made a bid to buy the club from Tom Golisano and the Sabres will split their home schedule between Buffalo, Hamilton, Barrie and Guelph, putting the Sabres on an inexplicable tailspin. When Balsillie denies that he’s buying the Sabres but is in fact interested in buying the Colorado Avalanche and moving them to Southern Ontario, the Sabres win five in a row."
• December 2009: "Jim Balsillie partners with Marcel Aubut to revive the Quebec Nordiques. The plan falls apart when Balsillie wants to move the team to Southern Ontario until the new Colisee is built in Quebec."

Senators make ugly mutants

An hilarious Flickr page called "NHL Mutants" came about on Puck Daddy Thursday, and I've got to say: The Ottawa Senators make ugly mutants. I'm just going to go ahead and post the photos, with zero permission from the creator, assuming that since he stole the base images from ViewImages that he has no copyright problems. Here goes, from hilarious-est to ug-fugliest:

Jason Neil (Jason Spezza + Chris Neil)


Dion Gerber (Dion Phaneuf + Martin Gerber)


Antoine Emery (Antoine Vermette + Ray Emery)


Peter Alfredsson (Peter Forsberg + Daniel Alfredsson)


Martin Phaneuf (Martin Gerber + Dion Phaneuf)


Brian Alfredsson (Brian McGrattan + Daniel Alfredsson)


And the ugliest girl of the ball? It's got to be Chris Soppel [sic] (Chris Pronger + Brent Sopel):

Does anyone care what Grapes says?

Holy shit, are people even talking about this? On Saturday Don Cherry had a rant about the way the Senators and Lightning dressed while walking into the game, because they were wearing toques and long jacket in an Ottawa winter. He said that Mike Fisher and former Senator Andrej Meszaros looked like thugs that were "going to break into your car" and/or steal your hubcaps. Don Brennan wrote a column devoted to the Coach's Corner segment, and the waste-of-time 'funny' Blackberry column between Brennan, Bruce Garrioch, Chris Stevenson, and Tim Baines was devoted to it, too.

I have a question for you: Is Cherry even relevant anymore? It doesn't make sense. Maybe it looks nice if a team dresses for success, but they really only have to look good on the ice. I wouldn't care if the Sens wore skirts on game days, if it meant they'd play better on the ice.

Here's the video, if you want to waste your time.

In Russia, Ray Emery gets the all-star treatment

When troubled former Ottawa Senators' goaltender Ray Emery went to play for Moscow's Atlant Mystishchi of the Russian Kontinental Hockey League (KHL), many expected that much of his time there would be spent trying to adjust to a different lifestyle and playing style.

However, it turns out Emery had little trouble in either respect. As a sign of his ability to adjust to the Russian style of play, one needs only looks at his statistics: A goals-against average of 1.97 and a save-percentage of .932--good for eleventh and sixth in the league, respectively. His playing time is limited by regulations mandating that Russian-born players must start a specific number of games, but Emery has compiled a 13-5 record on a Mystshchi squad that is third overall in the league.

About the lifestyle, interviews with the Hamilton, Ontario-born goaltender indicated that--at first--he didn't quite know what to expect. "On my way to the airport, I was like, 'What's going on here?' It sunk in there. 'Oh man, this could be something.' It's gone way better than I thought it would so far," Emery told Scott Burnside of ESPN. And just as he was pleasantly surprised by the ease of his transition into Russian society, he's also found that, in the end, the game he loves is pretty much the same thing wherever it's played. "Hockey's hockey is what I'm kind of realizing," Emery said.

Not only are his teammates happy to have him, the fans seem to be embracing Emery, athletic goaltending style and unapologetic attitude as part of his package. With 11,370 fan-cast votes, he is the leading non-Russian goaltender for the KHL All-Star Game. In all likelihood, he will be the starting goaltender in the historic outdoor KHL All-Star Game in Red Square for Team Jagr--named for Jaromir Jagr, the Czech-born captain of the non-Russian squad in the All-Star Game, and the most groundbreaking free-agent signing any KHL squad made this past summer.

When Emery signed a two-year contract for a reported $2M (all terms U.S.) per season to play in the KHL over the summer, many believed it was simply an opportunity for him to resurrect his career in the hopes of regaining respect amongst National Hockey League (NHL) general managers. However, given the success that Emery has enjoyed and the big city lifestyle available to him in Moscow, he's stated that a priority of his is honouring the terms of the contract that he's signed with the Atlant. By all accounts, his teammates and fans of the KHL wouldn't have a problem with that at all.

(P.S. This post was my attempt at writing in the epic, oft-overstated style of the New York Times. Any comments?)

Vermette, you've got it going on

An attempt to improve Antoine Vermette's apparently terrible self-esteem, and hopefully help him boost his offensive production, based on the cult-hit Flight of the Conchords' 'Bret, You've Got it Going On'

Hey there Vermette, I see you looking down.
Don't want to see my little buddy there with a frown.
Just because I get more women than you, well that's only because they don't know you like I do.
Sure, you're weedy and kind of shy.
But some girlie out there must be needy for a weedy, shy guy.
They want you as the needle when they're rolling in the hay.
Just hear me out when I say...

Vermette, you got it going on.
The ladies will get to know your sexuality when they get to know your personality.
I said, Vermette, you got it going on.
Not in a gay way, just in a "hey mate, I wanted to say that you're looking okay, mate."
Why can't a heterosexual guy,
Tell a heterosexual guy that he thinks his booty is fly.
Not all the time, obviously, just when he's got a problem with his self esteem.
Don't let anybody tell you you're not humpable.
Because you're bumpable.
Well, I hope this doesn't make you feel uncomfortable.
If I say you've got a boom ow-ow.
Come on Vermette, help me out now.

Vermette, you got it going on.
(You got it going on!)
That's the conclusion that I've come to.
But that doesn't mean that I want to bum you.
Vermette, you got it going on.
(Got it going on...)
No doubt about it, we'd be gettin crazy.
If one of us was lucky enough to be born a lady.

If one of us was a lady, and I was your man, if I was your man.
Well, sometimes it gets lonely, and I need a woman.
And then I imagine you with some bosoms.
In fact, one time when we were touring and I was really lonely.
And we were sharing that twin room in the hotel.
I put a wig on you, when you were sleeping, I put a wig on you.
Oh, ohhh, oooooh, oh, and I just laid there and spooned you.

Vermette, you got it going on.

Sens need some All-Star love

I'm going to have to give new entry to the Sens blogosphere Sens Town some credit a positive mention (Pos-Mens) for proposing that Sens fans vote for the Ottawa representation in the All-Star Game, namely Jason Spezza, Dany Heatley, Daniel Alfredsson, and Chris Phillips (really?).

Think of it as an extension of the No Habs No! Campaign, as the Montréal Canadiens representation at the game looks like it will be pretty ridiculous. Although Sidney Crosby has now taken over first place in forward voting, so it's no longer a Habs sweep, Mike Komisarek and Andrei Markov are set-up as the far-and-away leaders on defence. And they are followed not-so-closely by Sergei Gonchar and Ryan Whitney, both Pittsburgh Penguins, neither of whom have played a game this season, neither of whom are expected to be healthy in time for the All-Star Game. (No, there's nothing wrong with the All-Star voting system.)

And while we're at it, why not a write-in campaign for Alex Auld? He's probably the most important Senator so far this season, although Alfredsson could give him a run for his money. As of 11:55 on Sunday night, Auld has an incredible 2,625 votes to his name. And while we're at it, let's write-in Filip Kuba, who had 3,179 votes as of Sunday night, as thanks for all his offensive output this season (where would our powerplay be without him?).

Over at The 6th Sens, they're proposing a Vote For Kelly campaign, noting the similarity Chris Kelly has to that loveable student president, Pedro of Napolean Dynamite fame. It's all in the moustache, but I think that rather than split the vote, let's just go with the Big Three for All-Star honours.

Bobby Clarke is getting senile

I was going to write this article lambasting Bobby Clarke about calling out Jason Spezza on TSN's Off The Record, but after reading his comments I almost feel bad for him. He's a player who had a great career playing old-style, bash-'em, broadstreet-bully style hockey, but the NHL has left Clarke behind. From the Ottawa Citizen:

Clarke acknowledged that Spezza is "a great talent," but the compliments stopped there.

"Great players are hard to play against. I don't think anybody fears playing against Jason Spezza ... other than the fact he might score or make a great play on you. You never get bruised, you never get touched."

Hey, Bobby, here's a newsflash: Getting scored on is a lot scarier these days than taking a big hit. And the league's greatest players have been those who instilled fear based on their ability to score rather than their ability to bruise you. What makes Spezza hard to play against is his ability to score goals and make plays. As much as you might prefer it, the number of hits a team throws, or bruises a team inflicts, has no literal bearing on the scoresheet. When teams play the Flyers, who do they fear more: Riley Cote or Simon Gagne? When teams play the Canadiens, are they afraid of Georges Laraque or Alex Kovalev? The league's best team is built around pure skill with some grit involved, and if bruises-inflicted was deemed a relevant statistic, the Red Wings would likely be among the league's lowest-bruising teams. But they still win games.

Does Spezza need to grow? Absolutely. He needs to find a way to tap into the consistency that takes players from great to elite. He has been back-checking, he's thrown some of his weight around, and he is getting somewhat stronger on the puck. He's definitely making better decisions recently, and that's reflected in the Sens' success.

Clarke's got no place in this league. He was moved from GM in Philadelphia after they had their worst season in team history and finished last in the league, and he's now the team's senior vice-president. I don't know exactly what that position entails, but it sounds like a sweet job they give to a guy who played his whole career as a broadstreet bully and can't be given any more responsibility than an office swivel chair. I'm sure they consult him on hockey decisions, and ask him to make media appearances, but his ideas of building a team are irrelevant in the New NHL. His adopted son and protegé Steve Downie has been suspended one game for every two he's played in the NHL (20-game suspension, 39 NHL games played), and was just traded from Philly. I'm not sure what kind of career Downie's going to have, but it's not going to last long if he routinely steps over the edge.

To his credit, Spezza didn't bite:

"I just do what the coaches are telling me, and if they're happy, that's what matters," Spezza said before the Senators flew out of Ottawa yesterday for tonight's game here against the New York Islanders. "I can't worry about the analysts."

More meetings? Seriously?

I'm just going to go out on a limb and suggest that maybe we're past the point where meetings are going to solve the current problems with the Ottawa Senators. There have been team meetings, individual player meetings, general manager-convened meetings, coach-convened meetings, players-only meetings, and after their 2-1 shootout loss to the Rangers yesterday, the team had--guess what--another meeting. I don't think they're working.

I'm not really sure what is being said in these meetings anymore, anyway. "Guys, we're playing terribly. To get out of our funk, we need to follow a simple three-step process: 1. Play positionally; 2. Make the easy plays; 3. Shoot the puck." So why all the meetings?

Whatever, if it works, great. Maybe it's just me, but I think we're past the meeting stage.

Sens lucky 13 in market value

According to Forbes Magazine, as reported in the Ottawa Citizen, the Ottawa Senators are the thirteenth most valuable NHL franchise. And it's all thanks to fans like you and me.

The Sens are worth $207M, less than half the value of the league's top-valued Toronto Maple Leafs franchise, who are apparently worth $448M. Ottawa is, in turn, worth more than twice as much as the last-place Phoenix Coyotes, who are valued at $142M. I was surprised to see the Vancouver Canucks ahead of the Sens, in eighth place at $236M.

On the Sens Army Blog rankings of most-valuable franchises, the Sens are the far-and-away leaders.

Soccer: Don't hold your breath

Will Senators owner Eugene Melnyk's bid to add an MLS franchise to his Ottawa sports empire and simultaneously erect a sports mecca in a farmers' field in Kanata be successful?

Short answer: No.

Medium answer: Probably not.

Long answer: Courtesy Greg Daurio of 90:00 Soccer Magazine,

"Three Canadian cities submitted expansion applications last week (Ottawa, Montreal, and Vancouver). As I’ve said before, an expansion team in Canada is not only going to struggle like every other expansion team in recent memory, but it is going to make TFC that much weaker.

[...]

"That being said, people are all but giving Montreal a five star lock for this round of expansion. Montreal and Toronto are natural rivals in other sports, and Stade Saputo just needs to be expanded in order to make it MLS ready.

"It’s not quite that easy though. Stade Saputo was built on the cheap and would need a massive facelift to meet MLS standards, which wouldn’t necessarily happen overnight. Also, MLS is looking for a national television rights deal in Canada, and choosing a city a few miles up the road from Toronto isn’t exactly a national footprint to attract coast-to-coast viewers or sponsors.

"Ottawa is in an even worse position, tucked right between Toronto and Montreal, and lets be honest, if MLS chooses to put a team in Canada, it’s not likely that Ottawa is going to get chosen over either Montreal or Vancouver.

"Which brings us to Vancouver. Vancouver certainly gives MLS a broader Canadian footprint, and with Yahoo money involved, there is no questioning the wealth involved in the ownership group. The problem is the stadium issue. The Vancouver group is hoping to get approval for a waterfront stadium, but that has been caught up in red tape for years. In the interim, Vancouver has already signed a deal to play at BC Place, a gargantuan stadium that holds nearly 60,000 and houses artificial turf."

Sorry, Ottawa soccer fans, but don't hold your breath. What does this mean for Ottawa's great outdoor stadium debate?

Another week off? Seriously?

It was probably nice to get six days off after beginning the season in Sweden. But after playing the Red Wings on Oct. 11, the Sens don't play again until Friday, Oct. 17. One game in almost two weeks gives plenty of practice time--something the Sens could probably use to really learn the system coach Craig Hartsburg has instituted--but it seems like a little too much of a good thing.

I'm sure Martin Gerber would like nothing more than a game right away, to try and help fans and teammates forget about the last-minute loss to the Red Wings. I'm sure most of the players want to see how the system works in game action. These players want to get into a rhythm, and not playing doesn't help that much. It also means that there is going to be some tough runs later in the season, with back-to-back games or series of 5 games in 7 nights or something like that.

At least it gives Daniel Alfredsson some time to rehab his injury without missing too many games.

Anyone else think this is kind of ridiculous?

Sens odds to win the Stanley Cup

According to The Spread, Ottawa's odds to win the Stanley Cup--as compiled by several leading gambling websites--are as follows:

• SBG Global: 18-1
• Bodog: 16-1
• Sportsbook.com: 20-1

So... not great, but not bad, either. I couldn't figure out the Bodog or Sportsbook websites, but Ottawa was tied for tenth-best odds on SBG with Philadelphia (and after teams like Washington, the Rangers [tied for sixth 15-1], and Pittsburgh [second, 13-2]). The Sens also had 10-1 odds to win the Eastern Conference by both SBG Global and Sportsbook's measure.

NHL in China and India? Really?

The Globe and Mail had a story today about an NHL television distribution deal being reached for parts of Asia, including India and China, with South Korea in 2009-10, but not including Japan, Australia, or New Zealand. Interesting.

It's kind of cool news, actually. I wouldn't be surprised if, as the press release indicated, hockey was kind of popular in the northern parts of China, so close to the Russian border. Here's part of the release, a quote from the executive director of the Asian network Yes TV, from the G&M story:

"The National Hockey League has great potential for development in Asia. We are thrilled to be able to bring another big American sport to Asian sports fans. . . Ice hockey is quite popular in the northern parts of China and its popularity is growing. The NHL represents the pinnacle of professional ice hockey and we are proud to be bringing the best of this exciting sport to the fans in China."

Remember Jim Paek, born in South Korea, the only player of east-Asian heritage (that I know of) to play for the Ottawa Senators? Maybe this TV deal will see more South Korean players in the league. Probably not for a little while, though.

Battle of the Blogs on The NHL Arena forum

It was brought to my attention by FrankD, a great blog-friend who writes for PensBurgh, that Sens Army Blog is going head-to-head with his PensBurgh on the Battle of the Blogosphere over on the NHL Arena forums.

Now, I'm certainly not advocating a flood of Sens fans head to The NHL Arena to make their presence felt, but I'm certain that the Battle of the Blogosphere will be a great place to find some tremendous NHL blogs, and to discuss them.

And if nothing else, you'll kill some time looking at hockey information while waiting for the season to begin.

ESPN makes point-predictions

Via Kukla's Korner, ESPN made some point-predictions for fantasy general managers in the upcoming NHL season. They only rated fifteen players, and Dany Heatley was the sole representative of the Senators on the list.

Take the following with a grain of salt--they do predict Jose Theodore to win 36 games with the Washington Capitals--but they predict 47 goals and 49 assists for Heatley. I'm hoping he hits the 50-goal plateau, even if it's a difference in three otherwise-meaningless empty-net goals. Here's what ESPN gives as Heater's 2009 outlook:

2009 Outlook: Heatley is what Heatley is: 50 goals, 50 assists and a boon to shots on goal and power-play goals. Injury kept him from reaching that 50-50 threshold last season, but it’s not like he is a threat to miss time more than any other NHL player. The one possible knock on Heatley this season is the fact that his days of being a plus-30 player with Ottawa might be numbered, considering the Senators goaltending and defensive situation. A return to the negative rating he had in Atlanta would certainly pull down on his fantasy value.

How EA's NHL 09 rates the Senators

Via Kukla's Korner, and filed under inane time-filling, is EA Sports' player-rankings for the upcoming NHL 09. Check it out yourself, if you're interested, but here are some interesting facts I noticed about the Sens' rankings:

• Daniel Alfredsson, Jason Spezza, and Dany Heatley all have offensive awareness rankings of 95. Meaning the line has a combined ranking of 285.
• Heatley has a checking rating of 85. Mike Fisher has a hitting rating of 81. I guess they want it to be fun to play as Heatley, because he's miles behind Fisher in hitting.
• Heatley has a slapshot accuracy of 95, so just set him up for one-timers and you'll win every single game--especially with Spezza's passing accuracy rating of 95.
• Randy Robitaille is still on the Sens' roster. What? And he's higher than Dean McAmmond in checking; I don't think Ropes threw one hit all season. And he's apparently the Sens' second-best faceoff man, after Antoine Vermette.
• Jason Smith is rated 97 at shot blocking, and Anton Volchenkov is rated 94. If that holds true to the real NHL, Martin Gerber will face roughly 12 shots a night, and the two defencemen (combined) will be among league-leaders in save percentage.
• Vermette is the Sens' fastest skater, with a speed rating of 92.
• Newcomer Jarkko Ruutu appears as advertised: Checking 87, Aggression 90, and Discipline 61.
• McAmmond will, apparently, be the NHL '09 equivalent of the 'Skinny Player' in Ice Hockey from the original NES system. He's got a speed rating of 89, but his balance is a hilariously low 65.
• Martin Lapointe and Luke Richardson are both apparently also back on the Senators' roster. Nowhere to be found are Jesse Winchester (who might be excusable), Cody Bass, or Brian Lee.
• The biggest knocks on Gerber last year had nothing to do with positioning (which is rated 80), but were his recoverability (rated 80 as well) and his rebound control (rated 82). I guess they're basing his stats on other seasons...

That's all notables I see at the moment. Post any other hilarity you might notice in the comments.