There are the obvious "tradeable assets": Antoine Vermette, Christoph Schubert, Dean McAmmond (although his name has dropped off recently), and prospects, names whose presence aren't really surprising. The rumour-mongers really ramped things up when they brought in Mike Fisher and his no-movement clause, and Jason Spezza and his career point-per-game numbers. All of these players, whether justified or not, have been criticized for lacking production, hustle, or both.
Just when you think you've heard it all, though, the Bleacher Report publishes an article suggesting that it's time to part ways with Daniel Alfredsson in order to begin a youth-movement rebuilding project. Yes, Alfredsson, the player who just weeks ago signed a contract extension (including a no-trade clause) after the team owner said he wanted him to be a career Senator, who is probably the most popular player in Senators history, who is definitely the most productive player in Senators history, who has been one of few bright spots for the Senators over the last calendar year.
Now, to be fair, Bleacher Report is not suggesting that Alfredsson is a problem for the Senators. Quite the opposite, in fact; thanks to his effectiveness, the author suggests that his value is very high for a contender looking to go over the top, and that the move would shake up the team. And they say that trading Spezza or Dany Heatley would be a mistake as they're younger and coming into their prime.
To me, it's a ridiculous suggestion. It seems obvious that the front office is not even considering the possibility of thinking about accepting any offers for the captain. I mean... Bryan Murray just tore up his old contract and negotiated a new one that would pay him more, just to guarantee he would stay in the city for the rest of his career. And Alfredsson's value in Ottawa, thanks in large part to intangibles, is likely higher here than it would be anywhere else--meaning that the Senators would almost definitely lose any trade they made with him.
So, in honour of this and other stupid trade suggestions, I present you with a stupid recreation of a stupid acting audition by a stupid character on a stupid television show. (Note: For our purposes, 'stupid' is synonymous with 'hilarious'.)
(Another note: For those of unfamiliar with the show, the above YouTube video is an homage to a scene featuring Tobias Funke on the show Arrested Development. Highly recommended.)